1. Canada’s paying $288 million to have a ship designed
A CBC investigation has discovered that the $288 million allotted for Canada’s shipbuilding program will only go toward the design of the ships—the ships will be actually built under another contract. Experts have said the price for the design should be less than a tenth of what Canada’s paying; Ottawa recently bought the design for a similar Norwegian vessel for $5 million. Defense Minister Peter MacKay’s response to the criticism was simply that the “other shipyards are wrong.” [CBC]
2. Chinese police arrest 904 people for selling disgusting meat
China’s public security ministry has announced that they’ve made 904 arrests in their ongoing battle to eliminate counterfeit meat from the market. The 382 cases discovered since January range from pork products made from pig heads to “mutton” made from fox, mink, rat, and ground beetles. Suddenly, that horsemeat lasagna they were selling in the U.K. is looking pretty tasty. [Guardian]
3. Google Glass becoming the ultimate tool for creeps
Though Google’s new wearable computer glasses have yet to be released to the public, one developer has already built an app that will allow users to take a photo simply by winking. Winky (which is really just the worst name for anything ever), will allow creeps to record all the stalking they do during the day, and then return home to revel in the spoils of their hard work! To counter Google Glass’ terrifying potential, people have responded by calling wearers “glassholes”, a term you should probably yell at anyone you see wearing these things. [Atlantic]
4. UN says robots should not decide the fate of humans
In a surprisingly forward-thinking move, the United Nations has released a report stating that “lethal autonomous robotics” should not be allowed to decide whether humans live or die. Though the existence of such a report might seem ridiculous, the U.S., Israel, and Britain have already developed semi-autonomous robot weapons. Hopefully authorities aren’t too late in releasing the report—I doubt autonomous robots would pay any attention to a UN report (it’s not like anyone else does). [AP]
5. China silences critics of new penis building
The People’s Daily, China’s main state-run newspaper, is currently undergoing some renovations to its headquarters, and China’s communist party doesn’t want anybody cracking jokes about it. When users of Sina Weibo (China’s Twitter/Facebook) search for “People’s Daily” and “building”, a message comes up saying the keywords have been blocked:
“In accordance with relevant laws, regulations, and policies, search results cannot be displayed.”
The good news is, we here in Canada can still search the building all we want on Google Images, and boy does it ever look like a penis. [Atlantic]
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Mark Schram grew up on a ranch in southwestern Manitoba and now writes out of Winnipeg. If you would like to offer him a job or ask him about how to pull a calf, you can contact him at markcschram@gmail.com.