Yeah, Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday and couples in love are so annoying and all these candy hearts are making you barf and blah blah blah. All I hear are excuses for not making out with someone. Making out can be fun no matter what day it is. For example, what better way to honour the monarchy by completely ignoring it and celebrating Queen Victoria’s birthday in May by locking lips? Oh, you stopped to think about a better way? That could be the reason you’re not making out with someone on Victoria Day.
Valentine’s Day in Canada is a great occasion to make out with someone because:
1. It’s probably still cold, and making out can help keep you warm.
2. People who have physical contact with other people live longer. Or so I read somewhere.
3. You’re alive, because you’re reading this. Maybe you’d like to live longer?
There are way more reasons, but that’s not what this is about. I’m the DJ for your make out today. Visualize it.
Broken Social Scene – Lover’s Spit
This one is a personal favourite. It’s dreamy. It’s got piano and strings. The lyrics are super sexual: “All these people drinking lover’s spit/swallowing words while giving head/they listen to teeth to learn how to quit/better take some hand and get used to it.” The song even sounds like a hazy make out session. Oh yeah, also, the entire music video is pretty much just Kevin Drew french kissing babes in close-up slow motion. It’s a gentle one, so make sure the mood doesn’t necessitate something louder, like…
There are few albums that are so much a testament to making out and having fun as Japandroids’ first, Post-Nothing is. Pretty much all the songs are about summer and drinking and drinking in the summer with babes. That’s it. It’s magnificent. There are maybe 30 words in this entire song, and they all involve an end goal of making out more or less: “She had wet hair/say what you will/I don’t care/I couldn’t resist her,” and, “Let’s go to France/so we can French kiss some French girls.” Also, the song rocks. This is more for high speed making out, quite unlike…
Rheostatics – Baby, I Love You
“Baby, I Love You” was recorded as part of a live album the Rheos did for a CBC late night program called Nightlines. A lot of the stuff was also improvised. The result is maybe the cheesiest love song of all time, done up all faux-sexy with Martin Tielli’s beautiful falsetto. There are great lines like: “sittin’ by the lake/lookin’ at your face/I realize how much I love you,” and, “with your golden hair and your pink feet, I wanna kiss you all over my body.” I have no idea what that last one means. There’s also an insanely hammed-up guitar solo. So, if your date has a sense of humour, pull this one out. If they don’t…
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Maybe you planned on taking a bunch of hard drugs and then drinking your problems away in a dark, bass-heavy loft in a weird part of town. Maybe you didn’t plan on it but it happened anyway. In either situation, the moment you look across the dance floor at the other heroin chic’d guy/girl and realize that the only way you can survive this bad trip is ravage each other, this song should play. That is also what most of the song seems to be about, anyway. This is a scary song. But also incredibly sexy. I think both people should have black hair and also dark make-up for this song. If you’re more into the love side of love songs, though, you might want…
Constantines + Feist – Islands in the Stream
One of the greatest love songs of all time. This isn’t much like the Dolly Parton/Kenny Rogers version though. It’s slow, it’s quiet, and it’s sweet: Feist’s delicate voice works beautifully with the deep sombreness of Bry Webb’s. It brings a new weight to the original, which can sound just a tiny bit silly in comparison (but still great). This song would be great to make out to if you’re literally on an island in a stream, and it was sunset, and nice and warm and kind of cuddling. Which is pretty much what I imagine adult vacations are like for happily married couples. But if you’re not feeling that old, you might be in to…
All the songs on Cannon Bros. debut, Firecracker/Cloudglow, feel a bit like mini teenage anthems, full of all this beautiful energy and recklessness. You know what was great about being a reckless teenager? Making out with other reckless teenagers. That was what being a teenager was all about. Maybe you’re a bit older now, but surely it’s okay to be a teenager again here and there. “Glow” has melodies straight out of ’90s college rock with shimmery, thick guitars setting the mood to stay young forever. So take a drink from the fountain of youth, and plant one on the one you’re with (or with tonight).
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Matt Williams is a Winnipeg-based writer and musician infatuated by lady country singers. Follow him on Twitter @MattGeeWilliams.
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