So, you like to have a few drinks now and then. That’s okay. Even the hard-working Spectator Tribune staff imbibe once or twice in a blue moon. But at least we do it in a classy way.
Now you can, too! With this fancy info graphic from Blame It On The Voices, everyone can drink like a classy gentleman or gentlewoman. Wanna drink an old fashioned just like Don Draper? Now you can. A mint julep, just like the great Jay Gatsby? It’s a possibility. Feel like getting your Loretta Lynn on with a gin fizz? It’s there.
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I know your mouth might be watering, but remember, you have to put a little bit of effort into this. It’s just a guide. Maybe one day 3D printers can provide us with drinks that we build with computers (they probably won’t), but for now you have to go out and get the ingredients. And some of these cocktails need some specific ones. Bitters are important.
Also, their general rules are pretty funny. Like this one: “Consuming too many of an assembly can cause vomiting and bad choices in the opposite sex.” (We had no idea. Really).
So I implore you, go to the grocery store, and the liquor store, and celebrate this Wednesday that we are lucky to be alive! And do it with proper attire. For example, a bathrobe if you’re drinking white russians, a well-pressed, good-fitting suit if it’s martinis.
Learn to be classy with the very easy guide, you swine.
Matt Williams is a Winnipeg-based writer and musician infatuated by lady country singers. Follow him on Twitter @WaterInHell.
For more, follow @SpectatorTrib on Twitter.